After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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