i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
