just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
