i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
