So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
