There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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