we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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