New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
