all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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