I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
