I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
