so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
