so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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