she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
