i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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