It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
