if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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