Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
