my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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