after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
