Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
