Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
