Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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