Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
