he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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