i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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