Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
