I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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