no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
