The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
