I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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