I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
