he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
