yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize