are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
