do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize