butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
