They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
