I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize