i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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