He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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