Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
