to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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