So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize