Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
