so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dear god my vagina.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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