Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize