i think i scared a bird with my dick
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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