I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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