Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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