so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize