my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
