he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
