Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
