oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
