he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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