Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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