saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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