dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
