and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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