a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
