fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
